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Calming the Chaos

Calming the Chaos is a podcast by Licensed Mental Health Counselor Tracy Kenela. She uses profound and often humorous stories from her own life to illustrate how chaos can show up, and how emotional it can be! Anxiety, depression, fear, worry, shame and overwhelm can be managed using a variety of simple tools, skills and techniques. Tracy uses her experience as a counselor and her own personal work to provide you with hope…as well as some simple coping techniques, support and encouragement... that will help you move toward a more peaceful and enjoyable life.

Jun 28, 2020

Episode Title: “The Chaos of Hate” By Tracy Kenela, M.A., LMHC, CRC, CEDS, ACHT of Lokahi Counseling

Intro: Tracy Kenela is the founder of Lokahi Counseling and Calming the Chaos Podcast. In this episode, Tracy discusses hate: as a feeling, as a thought form and as a behavior / action. She gives an example of hate by exploring the actions of online attacks or “Cyber-Bullying.” She analyzes some possible reasons for online attacks, how online attacks can cause chaos in the lives of people, and some ideas about what you could do if you are attacked online.


  1. What is hate? Intense or passionate dislike for something or someone
    1. The hater can either have no chaos or a lot of chaos
    2. If the hater attacks something or someone, chaos likely happens to the one attacked


  1. Example: Online attacks or “Cyber-Bullying” – An illustration of the Chaos of Hate
    1. Possible Situation: A social media post, platform, YouTube or Instagram channel or podcast that expresses opinions or information that the hater disagrees with, passionately dislikes, or is intensely against.
    2. Possible Thoughts: (Tend to be extreme thinking of good, bad, right or wrong, as opposed to open, attentive, accepting of alternative viewpoints and values)
  1. Example #1: “I disagree with their viewpoint, so I hate the person.”
  2. Example #2: “I hate the person, so I hate everyone associated with them.”
  • Example #3: “I need to set this person straight”
  1. Example #4: “This person needs to be punished.”
  1. Possible Feelings: Anger. Fear. Sadness. Embarrassment.
  2. Possible Action / behavioral urge: Destruction of whatever the viewpoint is.
  3. Actions / behaviors:
  1. Gathering forces: against the person, and for the hater’s agenda
  2. Lashing out: Online attacks (verbal or video)
  • Discrediting or disliking
  1. Name-calling
  2. Harassment
  3. Violence
  • Doxxing
  • Chat disturbances
  1. Humiliation
  2. Lawsuits
  1. What is going on here when people act out on their hate? (mental health perspective)
    1. They truly believe there is an injustice that needs to be corrected
    2. They could have unresolved mental health issues (anger, delusions, impulse control)
    3. They could lack empathy or have no awareness as to the effects their actions could have
    4. They could direct their own anger at themselves to other people (“projection”) because they hate their own lives
    5. They could have envy or jealousy
    6. They could like the drama (See my future “Addicted to chaos” interview with Duane Osterlind of
    7.  They could have trouble seeing other viewpoints, so have a “narrow view” (as opposed to a “broad view”)
    8. They could have authority issues and like breaking rules
    9. They’ve had hurtful trauma, so they have learned to act out in ways that are hurtful


  1. Seeing the positive traits in those who act out on their hate:
    1. They are creative
    2. They stand for truth, fairness and justice (as they see it)
    3. They are often humorous and creative in their attacks
    4. They are passionate about their agendas – fiercely defend what is right
    5. They are persistent
    6. They are influential and charismatic


  1. Seeing the painful effects of those who act out on their hate:
    1. They cause pain to others
    2. They can slander, libel or defame someone (which is against the law) which can effect the hated person’s ability to earn a living, or be socially accepted in the world
  1. We all need love, understanding and freedom to earn a living!
    1. They can become exhausting to defend against (legal defenses cost money some people don’t have)
    2. They can breed misinformation, causing even more hate
    3. They can become stalker-like and invade a person’s privacy
    4. They can fail to see the complete picture (again…a narrow view) which goes against truth and justice
    1. Do:
  1. Some tips if you are attacked online, and you want to calm the chaos:
  1. Keep an open mind
  2. Stick to your values
  • Try to understand the agenda / issue at hand objectively, without overt judgment
  1. Set an positive daily intention
  2. Take a day off (or 2 or 3 or more) to unplug and reset.
  3. Stay close to those who love you, and veer toward more positive emotions
  • Choose your battles wisely
  • State your case clearly and respectfully if you are drawn to engage
  1. Resolve not to be a part of the hate


  1. Don’t:
  1. Lash back out at them (this reinforces their hate behaviors). Don’t engage!
  2. Assume, judge or blame them. Remember…they have a lot of passion about their views, they are just going about expressing their passion in ways that hurt others.
  • Do what they do. If you stand for love or kindness or peace, you’ll need to be clear about this in what you express publicly
  1. Get obsessed with what they are saying
  2. Do things reactively, hastily or unclearly
  3. Respond while under the influence of drugs or alcohol (you’ll regret it tomorrow!)
  • Lay down and take it
  • Forget what you stand for: your values, and your passion


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Tracy also created a mindfulness CD called “On This Day.” This CD teaches you how to practice mindfulness in less than 10 minutes throughout the day. Practicing mindfulness has been shown to reduce stress and increase clear thinking in times of chaos.

You can purchase the CD on Amazon at or in digital format at


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