Oct 5, 2020
Episode Title: “Double Chaos, Double Calm”
#chaos #coaching #anxiety #depression #relationship #stress #trauma #coachingthroughchaospodcast
Intro: In this episode, Tracy interviews Dr. Colleen Mullen, PsyD, LMFT of “Coaching Through Chaos” (Podcast and Counseling Practice). Colleen describes the work she does and the different projects she is involved in. Tracy reviews some of the chaos that has happened thus far in 2020. Together, Tracy and Colleen brainstorm some ways that people can calm their minds, cope with their emotions, and behave in ways that help improve their mental health. Lots of ideas here, so this is a longer podcast than usual!
I. Introduction to Colleen Mullen, PhD of “Coaching Through
Chaos” Podcast / Counseling Practice
II. Changes in systems cause chaos! Here are some changes we, as a
people, have experienced in 2020:
• The Presidential Impeachment
• The US and North Korea
• COVID-19 and Ebola
• Worldwide deaths
• Fires in Australia
• Fires in California, Oregon and Washington
• Police and Black Lives matter (Protests, Minneapolis, Kenosha,
Atlanta)
• An asteroid headed to planet Earth
• Murder hornets and deadly mosquitos
• Sports cancelled
• Stock Market Fluctuations
• School closures
• Unemployment
• The upcoming Presidential Election
Colleen Suggests:
1. Identifying Obstacles: What are the biggest obstacles that are
preventing you from effectively managing chaos?
2. Present-Focus: This is temporary, so keep your mind on what is
happening now, getting through day to day
3. Problem-Solving: Coming up with ideas to cope that focus on
eliminating barriers and keeping a present-focus
4. Adaptability (or how well you adapt or adjust to the changes
that happen in systems) will be the most relevant skill that will
help you survive, thrive and move through chaotic times
Tracy Chimes in with a story about how difficult it is to be
flexible
1. Expectations: Chaos can happen when things don’t go the way you
expect them to happen
2. Pause: Taking a step back and making flexibility an intention
can help
3. Analyze and Assess the situation
4. Creativity: Be flexible and creative as you figure out what to
do to calm the chaos
Colleen and Tracy agree that seeing alternative answers and
solutions is very important when calming / coping with chaos.
III. Calming the body down
• Dealing with shock (fight, flight, freeze)
• Systemic Trauma, Individual Trauma, Pre-existing Trauma and
Current Trauma
• Coping with the fear that “We will get stuck with any new ideas
developed (like telework, home schooling and mask-wearing).
IV. Developing Psychological Flexibility: How do you do this?
(Brainstorming Session)
1. Tracy: Gathering support and resources to help people feel
comfortable and safe through changes
2. Colleen: Talking to someone like a friend about what you’re
struggling with and distraction and taking breaks. Focusing on
things that are NOT changing and are stable, normal and not chaotic
(“normal.”)
3. Tracy: Focusing on stability, routine, grounding and focusing on
what is present. Boundaries.
4. Colleen: Not getting stuck in the fears and / or uncertainty.
Knowing when the negative information gets to be too much and
taking a break. Practicing gratitude and positivity.
5. Both: Move beyond your expectation that things “should” be a
certain way. The reality is that life ebbs and flows, and that the
natural progression is for hard times AND easier times.
V. Colleen’s “Past-Present-Future” model of managing chaos
• All these things happened in the past
• You want certain things for the future
• How much energy do you spend on past script, and is this the
script for your future?
• Past: Women: The self-concept when we were 12 is likely the same
as when we are 45
• Challenging / re-writing old, negative scripts
• “You’re at a choice point: do you want to hold these scripts or
re-write them?”
• SKILL: “Re-writing” the traditional narrative to something more
truthful and helpful
• Future: What is the worst thing that can happen to you? What are
you giving up if tomorrow you feel differently or give up this
fear? (“The Miracle Question”)
• Challenging Beliefs: Is the worst thing really so bad? The
existential angst that happens when presented with something scary
is sometimes death!
VI. Chaos and Existentialism: is death the worst thing? Or is it
humiliation / shame?
• Worries and negative reinforcers
• Is this your mind just being creative? The past is the best
predictor of the future. “You’ve gotten through some hard times and
you can do it again.” (Tracy)
• How can we live the best in our major life domains? (Physical,
Social, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual, Vocational and
Relational).
VII. Chaos Lightening Round: What do you do when Chaos hits?
• What does Colleen do?
i. Moving body (walks) and breathing fresh air as a ritual to work
out energy
ii. 30 minutes of sitting on the patio, reading, meditating,
getting sunlight (vit. D)
iii. Processing what is in your mind while taking a break
iv. Notice your surroundings, describe them and be curious about
what is going on in your body
v. Sound machine apps with white noise
• What does Tracy do?
i. Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills in mindfulness, distress
tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness
ii. Taking care of the shock (getting out of your mind and into
your body) such as using the five senses (sense of smell) (to
combat “reptilian brain”)
iii. Release the energy while keeping yourself safe
iv. Positive self-talk and asking for help “Talk to yourself like
you would talk to your best friend.”
v. Dawn-Simulator alarm clocks can help usher you into the day with
light
References
Beck, A.T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. New York, NY: International Universities Press, Inc.
Ellis, A., & Grieger, R.M. (1977). Handbook of rational-emotive therapy. New York: Springer Publishing
Harris, R (2007). The Happiness Trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Boston, MA, Exisle Publishing Ltd.
Linehan, M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. New York, NY, Guilford Press.
Zimberoff, D., &Hartman, D. (2014). Overcoming Shock: Healing the traumatized mind and heart. Far Hills, NJ, New Horizon Press.
Resources
Colleen’s Website
https://coachingthroughchaos.com/
Colleen’s Podcast:
https://coachingthroughchaospodcast.com/
Colleen’s Free Book:
https://1drv.ms/b/s!AuqjTBFPkHqMhZgbQgztXrKwExEE3A
info page about the book:
https://coachingthroughchaos.com/leadership-for-women/
Relaxation APP: White Noise Lite is the app with the various sounds, including snoring kitty
Tara Brach’s Website has a LOT of free resources, including
guided meditations: https://www.tarabrach.com
Listen to Calming the Chaos!
Main podcast website:
calmingthechaos.libsyn.com
YouTube (Videos):
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7qISnLR8T4g-bSDu-pW9LQ?view_as=subscriber
YouTube (Playlists):
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7qISnLR8T4g-bSDu-pW9LQ/playlists?view_as=subscriber
iTunes and Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/calming-the-chaos/id1489271578?ls=1
Podbay: https://podbay.fm/podcast/1489271578
HubHopper:
https://hubhopper.com/podcast/calming-the-chaos/102122
Visit Tracy’s Website at www.lokahicounseling.com
Tracy also created a mindfulness CD called “On This Day.” This CD teaches you how to practice mindfulness in less than 10 minutes throughout the day.
Practicing mindfulness has been shown to reduce stress and increase clear thinking in times of chaos.
You can purchase the CD on Amazon at http://bit.ly/onthisdaycd. or in digital format at https://music.apple.com/us/album/on-this-day/1209386067
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Thanks for listening, and take care!